I am not going to lie, I am nervous about this whole blogging business and I am not quite sure where to start, so I decided I would start by telling you that. Part of learning to listen to your intuition includes listening even when you think it's saying something crazy. Me? Start a blog? The truth is, there has been this soft voice nudging me to do this for a while now but I never really saw myself as much of a blogger so I delayed it and delayed it. My ego would tell me "WHO would read YOUR blog?" "You aren't interesting enough, are you crazy?!", "You misspelled the word roommate in your wireless password, what makes you think you can write?!". However, I recently received some guidance to consider what this gentle voice is saying and take action, listening to it ALL the time versus only when it makes "logical" sense inside my head. I am opening my heart to the idea that this inner guidance (stick in whatever you want to call it: your Higher Self, the Universe, G*d, Goddess, Source or Spirit) knows what is best for me so I am putting myself out there and sharing my story.
To give you a brief background on my health: I had been overweight my whole life. I always kept my weight under control through my diet and exercise but no matter what I did, it felt as if nothing worked. When I hit puberty, things got a lot worse...I wasn't getting my periods and my weight skyrocketed as my self esteem plummeted. Coming from an athletic, thin family, I didn't understand why I was having these issues even though I was eating the same foods as all of them. After years of confusion, I found a doctor that told me I had PCOS, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and was dealing with insulin resistance. Although there was a certain amount of relief with this diagnosis, TONS of fear came up as I was told all of the risks and complications I would have to deal with in my adult life. I was put on a few medications: birth control, metformin/glucophage, and some appetite suppressants. Like many, I tried countless diets and although I would find temporary success, I would gain all of that weight I lost right back after. I believe this was because I wasn't approaching my diet in the healthiest and most sustainable way but also because I didn't feel like I deserved to be thin and happy. With PCOS and any insulin resistance, a low glycemic diet (low in sugar) is recommended. I felt like I had extremely strict guidelines with eating and felt restricted. I wasn't allowed to eat what my friends and family was eating and always had that "why me" attitude about it. Because of this, my relationship to food became one of punishment and reward. I either hated eating or loved it too much. With the stresses of college life, health became #2 on my list of priorities because it still felt like a punishment, something I had to think of but no one else did.
I remember the day, a few days before graduation, I was walking with my roommate (woo i spelled it right!) and we were discussing what we wanted to accomplish after college. Little did I know I was setting my intention for a year full of self-discovery and changes but I said out loud how I wanted to feel TRULY comfortable in my body. I explained how I had this memory when I was a teenager of feeling sexy, of feeling at home in my body, of sliding into a pair of jeans and loving how they fit so snugly around every curve. It was such a fleeting moment and I wanted to feel that again. As I know now, the slightest willingness is all you need. I was guided to my personal trainer and now great friend, Kelly, and she showed me how I could do anything I put my mind to. She also courageously showed me how little I really thought of myself, the lack of faith I had in my abilities and how negative my self talk was. Just like Jillian Michaels on the Biggest Loser, she pushed me to my core and I began to see the infinite potential that was living inside of me. I began to see that I was not that limited self I thought I was. A month into this, my intuition told me to stop taking my medications and do this on my own. I knew in my core that I could do this on my own but it is a scary thing to do when most of society and your family are dependent on western medicine. I am so grateful for everything that western medicine has given us but I personally knew deep down that there was a different, healthier path for myself. I began seeing a holistic chiropractor that provided me with natural supplements to support my diet, got my nervous system working again and used EFT to help release old stored emotions. Through a rigorous exercise routine, cleaning up my diet (researching like crazy day and night), holistic chiropractic work and serious self-reflection, I lost 40 pounds over 8 months!! These 40 pounds not only shed because of my clean diet and commitment to exercise but I was ridding myself of old limiting beliefs and dealing with all of the old emotions that I had been running from my entire life.
I am at an interesting point in my journey right now. I am working on shifting my perceptions and doing the work to open my heart fully to the love that is within and all around me with the support of the herfuture community and my mentor and life coach,
Gabrielle Bernstein. I am making huge breakthroughs, I know exactly when/where my ego tries to take me down and I am experiencing moments of the peace and serenity that come from not hooking into the ego's illusions. I was going to say that I am surprised that I have gained a few pounds in the past few months but now that I think about it, I am not surprised at all. I am working through the root cause of my excess weight, the feelings of inadequacy I have always harbored inside of me. Of course the physical symptoms are going to show up!
Also, I have recently been dealing with an allergy to the cold. YES, the cold. I know it sounds crazy but literally I will walk outside and my face and legs and hands will instantly get hives and it is pretty uncomfortable. It also happens when I am working out. My friend, Arielle Fierman of
Be Well With Arielle , (check out her amazing ilove me ring by the way! I have one and it makes me so happy) told me to think of this energetically and ask myself what makes me warm? What are things that make me warm from the inside out? Instead of only eating raw foods or foods low on the glycemic diet or foods that someone else tells me are good for me, I am going to use my intuition to figure out what foods make me warm, what foods are right for ME. I may risk getting it wrong, I may gain a few pounds along the way, but it isn't about the weight anymore. It is about feeling warm and loved from the inside out and that is all that really matters.
To sum it up: my intention is to uncover what foods are right for me so that I can be my happiest and healthiest self and along the way make some discoveries about how food affects the mind, body and spirit.
Now that the past is taken care of, let's get on with this journey! Looking forward to posting tomorrow.
Until then,
A
