Rebirth

“What are you so afraid of?”

Failing.

“What are you afraid will happen when you fail?”

This simple question blew my mind. I didn’t have an answer. It took me to a place in my own depths that hadn’t been touched before. I closed my eyes and there I saw it. I saw myself exploding- literally combusting into a fireball.

I will combust. I will die.

“And what happens when you combust?”

I am reborn.

LYL: Love Your Life

My 23rd year was nothing short of incredible and I want to share with you all some insider knowledge on what made it so amazing and how I made it my most rockin' year yet.

From the outside looking in, one could look at my past year and say that I had terrible luck and that I had a really shitty year because of various situations with my career and finances. One would say that I failed at finding a job that I thought I wanted, that I was a failure because I was living at home with my parents and not making it on my own. Actually, you know what's really freakin cool? I am so used to being in a state of miracle-mindedness, because I have chosen to only perceive love, that trying to think of this past year as something other than miraculous to write that sentence was difficult for me. It wasn't easy to think of reasons why someone would say my year was terrible. However, I can assure you that 12 months ago, I had a long list of reasons why my life wasn't good enough. But I have come to believe that everything truly does happen for a reason. Every perceived obstacle is an opportunity for personal growth and oftentimes an opportunity to let go of old beliefs and open up to new possibilities beyond what our small minds have conceived for us. Of course, growing pains will be experienced along the way, and I can assure you of that, but when we come out of those perceived low points, what is left is a purer form of yourself. It's almost like you shed a layer of yourself and are closer to your true form.

For me, I graduated school and thought that everything would fall into place. I would find a job, even if it wasn't my ideal job and I would have a great apartment with friends that I loved. However, this didn't happen and I was left to do the only thing I could think of: take a look inward and figure out how to be happy and what direction to move in. I was recently talking to my aunt and she made note that I came upon this journey because it was what I was looking for. I have always been yearning to know myself at the deepest level possible, to know my true desires, to break through the barriers I had created that prevented me from truly connecting with the world. I have come closer to knowing my true self than I ever have before. And who I am today will be different from who I am tomorrow or in a few months. Which is why this thing called life is so damn awesome!!

Here is a reflection of this past year for me.
-I began my journey to remove all the walls that I built around myself
-I placed connecting to my inner guidance my number one priority
-I started out by reading some books and meditating every once in a while and I go deeper with my spiritual practice every day
-I read "Add More ~Ing To Your Life" by Gabrielle Bernstein and became part of the amazing herfuture.com community online and in NYC
-I began a daily meditation practice
-I have transformed close relationships through forgiveness
-I have provided support, coaching, and inspiration for many of my friends
-I lost 40 pounds
-I went off all of my medications
-I began exercising and feeling damn good because of it
-I became more comfortable in my body (even now that I have gained some weight back, not just because I lost weight)
-I worked at a social media marketing agency
-I created the logo designs for Sacred Space NYC, Best You Forever, Wine For Women
-I did design work for countless other inspiring businesses
-I kept an open mind and was guided to incredibly inspiring friends, mentors, communities, healing modalities
-I have read probably about 30 books
-I have a bookshelf full of even more books to read
-I went on my first date
-I bulldozed the barriers that prevented me from admitting my true desires to do something health-related for my career
-I enrolled in the school that I had been wanting to for a year (Institute of Integrated Nutrition)
-I am working with a health coach that I admire and am helping her with her business
-I am part of an amazing group of women that inspires me daily
-I am group coaching with Gabrielle Bernstein
-I am starting my own graphic design business
-I am doing things that scare me every day, getting outside of my comfort zone
-I moved into NYC and have my own apartment (with an amazing roommate, I might add)
-I ran 3 miles at once!!
-I tried hot yoga for the first time and LOVE it
-I started going to IntenSati classes
-I started this blog
-I am a featured contributor for www.yourbellalife.com
-I love myself
-I live a life full of gratitude, love and smiles
-I allow myself to feel everything that is coming up for me instead of being ashamed when I am not feeling happy

Now how can you feel this awesome about your own life?
My Top 5 Tips To Love Your Life
1. Make a Gratitude List or a Love List. Write down everything you are grateful for in your life as often as you can. Sometimes you may not want to do this so find a friend who will rattle off what they love to you and someone you can do the same. My friend Micki and I had the best bbm convo EVER when we spent an hour sending each other bbms such as: hot chocolate, the ocean, dolphins, kisses, massages, running in the rain, snowball fights, people watching, the color lime green. Whatever it is, call on what makes you happy.
2. View all of the obstacles you encounter as opportunities. There is always something to learn from any perceived challenge. Later on, you will most likely be able to see why these challenges came up for you and what you learned from them. Maximum growth will occur when you remind yourself that you can learn from the obstacle.
3. Make it your number one priority to listen to your intuition. Choose from the heart. Your intuition knows best and when you listen to this voice inside of you, you will experience fulfillment and happiness in each moment.
4. Get Moving! Physical activity makes you feel good. No ifs ands or buts.
5. Choose to believe that everything in your life is working out for your highest good. Why would it be any other way?

I'll Rise

I have so much to share with you guys I can barely handle it all!! It will all pour out of me when it is meant to but for now I had to the hit to share this beautiful poem by Maya Angelou and a version of the poem sung by Ben Harper. Stay tuned for my year in review, 25 things to do before I turn 25 (I can't believe I am turning 24 tomorrow!), thoughts on recieving, crystal healing, emotional eating, book recommendations, meditation for beginners, a different alternative healing modality featured each week, and tons more to come.



You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.

Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.

You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.

Blessings In Disguise

"What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise." - Oscar Wilde

Hey, Inner Sexy One, Come Out to Play

Last night I attended a meditation and writing workshop called Recommitting to You led by Meredith Levick, of Morning Love Letter, and Macha Einbender, of http://www.spiritualmakeoverartist.com/. These gatherings are always incredible but the combination of meditation and writing in a circle of women is a powerful one. Writing is a tool we can all use to tap into our deepest desires as well as feelings that are hidden in our subconscious mind. Last night we used writing to look at where we are giving our energy to others, how we are giving to ourselves, and then how that is serving us. The end of the evening was focused on what part of ourselves we wanted to cleanse and rid ourselves of before 2011. During the meditation, we envisioned everything being thrown into purple flames. This was an incredibly freeing visualization and a powerful thing to do to close out the year and recommit to who we want to be for the coming year.

I wanted to share my writing with you. Here we go!

I throw my inhibitions into the flame. I throw the fear of not being loved for being just being alive, for just being me. I throw away the thought that I am not sexy, that I am not beautiful, that I am broken. I embrace my inner sexy goddess. I let her come out and play. I don't contain her to the bedroom but I let her out with my friends, in my career, in every moment. She deserves to be who she is. She is ready. She has been waiting for this time when she is accepted and she delights in your love for her. She is passion. She is drive. She is motivation. She is fun. She is sexy. She is spontaneous. She is loving. She is Love.

What are you ready to throw into the flame? What part of yourself are you ready to embrace?

The Artist Never Knows

"Living is a form of not being sure, not knowing what next or how. The moment you know how, you begin to die a little. The artist never entirely knows. We guess. We may be wrong, but we take leap after leap in the dark."
-Agnes de Mille

Fire That Lights or Burns

Anger. The fire deep within wants to come out and play. Wants to twist and strangle and burn. It suffocates and emblazes every cell of myself and those around me. Allowance of the raging fire softens the blows. I am able to enjoy the heat it produces and I sink into its warmth. Fire is a fine line, however. In it’s untamed state it is destructive. Anger engulfs the shadow, highlights the demonic. Stares sin in the face. In an instant this fiery passion can light up the room or turn everything on its path into ash. Free will dictates that I choose its fate.