Say Yes to Nourishment

"To discover what you really believe, pay attention to the way you act -- and to what you do when things don't go the way you think they should. Pay attention to what you value. Pay attention to how and on what you spend your time. Your money. And pay attention to the way you eat." - Geneen Roth, Women Food and God

I have been mentoring under Sarah Jenks, emotional eating expert and nutrition consultant, for the past few months and it has been eye opening to say the least. Sarah has been the container for me to discover what I truly believe I deserve in life through looking at my relationship to food. I have seen that I see pleasure as something that is only meant for celebratory occasions, not something that should be experienced in every moment. I see how I deprive myself of the best food for me...I look at my cabinet and I see lifeless, boring "healthy" food. I say "healthy" because it was what I thought was good for me. I had all of the best intentions but wasa crackers are just not going to cut it anymore. Of course, the irony of this deprivation is that the sense of lack creates a need to overeat which duh, causes weight gain along with other side effects- low energy since the body is spent digesting and processing all of the extra food into stored fat, over-consumption which isn't helping the environment, as well as extra money spent on food.

If we are depriving ourselves of pleasure and nourishment with what we are eating, I am pretty sure it is evident in all areas of our lives. Not allowing myself pleasure in the day to day moments, in my career that I absolutely adore, in my relationships with men, and even with friends sometimes as I often place myself in the role of caretake. It's time to focus on ways we can add more pleasure to our lives in ways besides food- massages, candles, baths, Jersey Shore (that does it for me!), and kicking back with our friends. This practice has become a huge part of my life and I feel more and more fulfilled everyday. Now I am able to bring this nourished feeling to my relationship to food...making sure I go grocery shopping every week. Feeling deserving of nourishment and pleasure, it becomes easier for us to make time to go food shopping or to cook our meals.

I am going to try to make something new every week so I will post it up here for all of you to see...nothing like a little bit of social accountability to get my butt back in the kitchen. I can't wait to get close to food again and get creative in the kitchen, I know this will allow me to help my clients that much more when it comes time for that (which is soon!!).

I say yes to nourishment, hydration, energy, life, and vibrancy!

Cheers to a vibrant, full life!

Open Door Part II

Here is an add on to my last post. I was writing that during a time when I saw the cage that I created for myself very clearly but in the past week I can see myself flying. Free Bird style. And props to my new friend Shasty who reminded me that I see the open door of the cage.

I think of the security of cages. How violence, cruelty, oppression, become a kind of home, a familiar pattern, a cage, in which we know how to operate and define ourselves…"
— Eve Ensler

How have you created a metaphorical jail cell in your life? Where do you feel stuck, paralyzed? What areas of your life are you unable to run free into the wide open blue sky of freedom?

Close your eyes and picture yourself at an intersection of a road. To your left is your jail cell and to the right is a wide open sky.

Where do you see yourself? What does it feel like where you have put yourself? Who do you see?

What do you see on the other side of the road? What do you feel about that other side?

If you are in your cage, do you feel safe, protected, cared for? Does the coldness, the isolation, the victimization feel warm and inviting?

Ask yourself: are you ready to run free? Are you ready to make your own rules, to listen to nothing but the Truth that resides inside of you? Are you ready to feel pure weightlessness?

I want to be ready. I want to be free. Right now, the comfort of the cage is what I know but the cage door has opened. Freedom, Truth, Life, Light, Warmth. It is all at my fingertips. Flying is a choice.

"I think of the security of cages. How violence, cruelty, oppression, become a kind of home, a familiar pattern, a cage, in which we know how to operate and define ourselves…"
— Eve Ensler

How have you created a metaphorical jail cell in your life? Where do you feel stuck, paralyzed? What areas of your life are you unable to run free into the wide open blue sky of freedom?

Close your eyes and picture yourself at an intersection of a road. To your left is your jail cell and to the right is a wide open western sky.

Where do you see yourself? What does it feel like where you have put yourself? Who do you see?

What do you see on the other side of the road? What do you feel about that other side?

If you are in your cage, do you feel safe, protected, cared for? Does the coldness, the isolation, the victimization feel warm and inviting?

Ask yourself: are you ready to run free? Are you ready to make your own rules, to listen to nothing but the Truth that resides inside of you? Are you ready to feel pure weightlessness?

I want to be ready. I want to be free. But the comfort of the cage is what I know. Will I have the courage to escape?

Your Body Needs You To Be Honest

Originally posted on Your Bella Life

They say that the scale is a dangerous thing. It can be used in an unhealthy manner, but it is like anything in else in this world. The scale can become your friend or your enemy and which one it happens to become depends on how you use it. The dreaded scale provided me with a moment of clarity that caused me to turn my whole life around.

I had spent over half my life not being at home in my body. I was constantly trying to lose weight and always self-conscious about the way that I looked. Like so many women, I have tried countless diets. I would succeed at losing weight and then a few months later I would find myself right back where I had started. Actually, most of the time I was even worse off. Each time this happened, my self-esteem would take a hit because I didn’t understand why I couldn’t keep my weight off. When I graduated college I took some time to focus on my health. I began working with a fitness trainer named Kelly Michaels. Her workouts were just as killer as Jillian Michaels’ workouts on The Biggest Loser and I am convinced they must be related. I mean, they even have the same last name! Kelly advised me to start keeping a food journal and she gave me a workout regimen to follow when I wasn’t with her.

Every few weeks Kelly and I would take my measurements and I was seeing results, albeit very slowly. I wasn’t losing weight but I was losing inches which is typical when one begins strength training due to gaining muscle mass. About 2 months after I began, we went into the measuring room. I stepped on the scale and saw that it still hadn’t moved. I began to feel that oh-so-familiar feeling of extreme disappointment in myself and I went straight into self-hatred/victim mode. This happens differently for everyone but we all have that inner bully inside of us. Mine started relentlessly attacking me about the fact that I couldn’t lose the weight even though it seemed like everyone around me could. My inner bully went straight into victim mode as it usually does: Why do I have to struggle with this? Why doesn’t anything ever work? Why was I born into this body that doesn’t work?

All of the sudden, in the midst of this internal fight, this incessant voice inside of me quit yelling. I felt an overwhelming sense of peace flow through me. After this moment of clarity, I heard a softer voice that gently informed me that my actions were sabotaging my efforts to lose weight. I was doing everything half-ass. I was keeping a food journal but occasionally omitting the food that I was ashamed about eating. I was working out outside of my training sessions but exaggerating how much time I was spending. All in all, I was lying to myself. And guess who that was hurting? Yep, me. After this realization, a surge of motivation pumped through my veins like I have never felt before. I had realized that I truly wanted to regain my health but my actions weren’t in line with that goal. I worked out that day for 2 hours and at the end of the workout, tears streamed down my face as I held myself up in a plank pose for a minute and a half, 3 times the amount of time I had ever done. These tears were tears of strength. I had finally found the source of strength inside of me that was up for the deep emotional, spiritual, and physical work it would take to achieve my goals.

Now what can you do to find this strength as well?

Let’s begin by getting honest with ourselves.

1) Look at your current behaviors. If you want to make a change in your life, begin by taking an inventory of your actions.

2) Ask yourself how your current behaviors serve you. What are they giving you? What is the payoff for these behaviors?

3) Remember to be gentle and patient with the process. If you are anything like me, you may have the tendency to beat yourself up for not doing something perfectly. Kick that thinking to the curb and remind yourself of how amazing it is that you want to work on this.

At first it can be scary to look at ourselves in this manner but taking responsibility for our actions and bringing them into the light will allow for miraculous change. I think it is important to go through this process often. I am currently re-examining my lifestyle and eating habits in order to feel even better and reach a more balanced healthy state. Let’s get honest together!