Your Body Needs You To Be Honest

Originally posted on Your Bella Life

They say that the scale is a dangerous thing. It can be used in an unhealthy manner, but it is like anything in else in this world. The scale can become your friend or your enemy and which one it happens to become depends on how you use it. The dreaded scale provided me with a moment of clarity that caused me to turn my whole life around.

I had spent over half my life not being at home in my body. I was constantly trying to lose weight and always self-conscious about the way that I looked. Like so many women, I have tried countless diets. I would succeed at losing weight and then a few months later I would find myself right back where I had started. Actually, most of the time I was even worse off. Each time this happened, my self-esteem would take a hit because I didn’t understand why I couldn’t keep my weight off. When I graduated college I took some time to focus on my health. I began working with a fitness trainer named Kelly Michaels. Her workouts were just as killer as Jillian Michaels’ workouts on The Biggest Loser and I am convinced they must be related. I mean, they even have the same last name! Kelly advised me to start keeping a food journal and she gave me a workout regimen to follow when I wasn’t with her.

Every few weeks Kelly and I would take my measurements and I was seeing results, albeit very slowly. I wasn’t losing weight but I was losing inches which is typical when one begins strength training due to gaining muscle mass. About 2 months after I began, we went into the measuring room. I stepped on the scale and saw that it still hadn’t moved. I began to feel that oh-so-familiar feeling of extreme disappointment in myself and I went straight into self-hatred/victim mode. This happens differently for everyone but we all have that inner bully inside of us. Mine started relentlessly attacking me about the fact that I couldn’t lose the weight even though it seemed like everyone around me could. My inner bully went straight into victim mode as it usually does: Why do I have to struggle with this? Why doesn’t anything ever work? Why was I born into this body that doesn’t work?

All of the sudden, in the midst of this internal fight, this incessant voice inside of me quit yelling. I felt an overwhelming sense of peace flow through me. After this moment of clarity, I heard a softer voice that gently informed me that my actions were sabotaging my efforts to lose weight. I was doing everything half-ass. I was keeping a food journal but occasionally omitting the food that I was ashamed about eating. I was working out outside of my training sessions but exaggerating how much time I was spending. All in all, I was lying to myself. And guess who that was hurting? Yep, me. After this realization, a surge of motivation pumped through my veins like I have never felt before. I had realized that I truly wanted to regain my health but my actions weren’t in line with that goal. I worked out that day for 2 hours and at the end of the workout, tears streamed down my face as I held myself up in a plank pose for a minute and a half, 3 times the amount of time I had ever done. These tears were tears of strength. I had finally found the source of strength inside of me that was up for the deep emotional, spiritual, and physical work it would take to achieve my goals.

Now what can you do to find this strength as well?

Let’s begin by getting honest with ourselves.

1) Look at your current behaviors. If you want to make a change in your life, begin by taking an inventory of your actions.

2) Ask yourself how your current behaviors serve you. What are they giving you? What is the payoff for these behaviors?

3) Remember to be gentle and patient with the process. If you are anything like me, you may have the tendency to beat yourself up for not doing something perfectly. Kick that thinking to the curb and remind yourself of how amazing it is that you want to work on this.

At first it can be scary to look at ourselves in this manner but taking responsibility for our actions and bringing them into the light will allow for miraculous change. I think it is important to go through this process often. I am currently re-examining my lifestyle and eating habits in order to feel even better and reach a more balanced healthy state. Let’s get honest together!