The Universe is My Safety Net

No job will keep me safe.
No amount of food will keep me safe.
No man will keep me safe.
No drug will keep me safe.

Why not?

Because the Universe and I, we're tight. And I know that my unwavering faith in this supportive energy is what ultimately will bring me back to knowing that I am safe as I am, in this moment, always. The Universe is my Safety Net.

Starting my graphic design business is one of the biggest challenges I have ever undertook. It requires faith and perseverance. It requires getting rid of self-doubt and replacing it with self-worth. It requires learning about taxes, financial planning, marketing, networking, as well as other unexpected technical skills that I learn as I go. I took on a babysitting job a few hours a week in order to feel safe with my finances. It was working for a while, until it wasn't. And when it wasn't, the Universe kept knocking me over the head until I got the message that I was done there.

I was using this babysitting job as my safety net. I thought it was helping me financially, which it was but it allowed me to keep my business growth at a stalemate as I didn't have as much time to focus on it. My internal guide kept speaking louder, telling me to trust that the Universe knows what it is doing, just allow it to help you out! Isn't that awesome?! All we have to do is allow this supportive energy to help us. It's that simple.

As I look at other areas of my life such as my struggle with impulsive eating, I can see that I have used food as my safety net. When I was uncomfortable, when I didn't want to face the truth of what was happening in my life or how I was feeling, I looked to food for comfort, love and safety. And again, I am learning that this false sense of safety does not serve me or those around me. Because I will never feel fulfilled or safe from eating pretzels or chocolate when things get uncomfortable. I am trusting the Universal Safety Net in this area of my life as well, knowing that the feelings and emotions I am attempting to numb with food are my teachers, guiding me to LIVE. Period.

If we are eating, doing, sleeping, drinking, working out or meditating OVER our feelings, we are forgetting that we have a safety net surrounding us at all times.

Trust.

Let yourself fall gracefully into the oh-so-soft, awesomely warm, ever loving Universal Safety Net.

Say Yes to Nourishment

"To discover what you really believe, pay attention to the way you act -- and to what you do when things don't go the way you think they should. Pay attention to what you value. Pay attention to how and on what you spend your time. Your money. And pay attention to the way you eat." - Geneen Roth, Women Food and God

I have been mentoring under Sarah Jenks, emotional eating expert and nutrition consultant, for the past few months and it has been eye opening to say the least. Sarah has been the container for me to discover what I truly believe I deserve in life through looking at my relationship to food. I have seen that I see pleasure as something that is only meant for celebratory occasions, not something that should be experienced in every moment. I see how I deprive myself of the best food for me...I look at my cabinet and I see lifeless, boring "healthy" food. I say "healthy" because it was what I thought was good for me. I had all of the best intentions but wasa crackers are just not going to cut it anymore. Of course, the irony of this deprivation is that the sense of lack creates a need to overeat which duh, causes weight gain along with other side effects- low energy since the body is spent digesting and processing all of the extra food into stored fat, over-consumption which isn't helping the environment, as well as extra money spent on food.

If we are depriving ourselves of pleasure and nourishment with what we are eating, I am pretty sure it is evident in all areas of our lives. Not allowing myself pleasure in the day to day moments, in my career that I absolutely adore, in my relationships with men, and even with friends sometimes as I often place myself in the role of caretake. It's time to focus on ways we can add more pleasure to our lives in ways besides food- massages, candles, baths, Jersey Shore (that does it for me!), and kicking back with our friends. This practice has become a huge part of my life and I feel more and more fulfilled everyday. Now I am able to bring this nourished feeling to my relationship to food...making sure I go grocery shopping every week. Feeling deserving of nourishment and pleasure, it becomes easier for us to make time to go food shopping or to cook our meals.

I am going to try to make something new every week so I will post it up here for all of you to see...nothing like a little bit of social accountability to get my butt back in the kitchen. I can't wait to get close to food again and get creative in the kitchen, I know this will allow me to help my clients that much more when it comes time for that (which is soon!!).

I say yes to nourishment, hydration, energy, life, and vibrancy!

Cheers to a vibrant, full life!

Open Door Part II

Here is an add on to my last post. I was writing that during a time when I saw the cage that I created for myself very clearly but in the past week I can see myself flying. Free Bird style. And props to my new friend Shasty who reminded me that I see the open door of the cage.

I think of the security of cages. How violence, cruelty, oppression, become a kind of home, a familiar pattern, a cage, in which we know how to operate and define ourselves…"
— Eve Ensler

How have you created a metaphorical jail cell in your life? Where do you feel stuck, paralyzed? What areas of your life are you unable to run free into the wide open blue sky of freedom?

Close your eyes and picture yourself at an intersection of a road. To your left is your jail cell and to the right is a wide open sky.

Where do you see yourself? What does it feel like where you have put yourself? Who do you see?

What do you see on the other side of the road? What do you feel about that other side?

If you are in your cage, do you feel safe, protected, cared for? Does the coldness, the isolation, the victimization feel warm and inviting?

Ask yourself: are you ready to run free? Are you ready to make your own rules, to listen to nothing but the Truth that resides inside of you? Are you ready to feel pure weightlessness?

I want to be ready. I want to be free. Right now, the comfort of the cage is what I know but the cage door has opened. Freedom, Truth, Life, Light, Warmth. It is all at my fingertips. Flying is a choice.

"I think of the security of cages. How violence, cruelty, oppression, become a kind of home, a familiar pattern, a cage, in which we know how to operate and define ourselves…"
— Eve Ensler

How have you created a metaphorical jail cell in your life? Where do you feel stuck, paralyzed? What areas of your life are you unable to run free into the wide open blue sky of freedom?

Close your eyes and picture yourself at an intersection of a road. To your left is your jail cell and to the right is a wide open western sky.

Where do you see yourself? What does it feel like where you have put yourself? Who do you see?

What do you see on the other side of the road? What do you feel about that other side?

If you are in your cage, do you feel safe, protected, cared for? Does the coldness, the isolation, the victimization feel warm and inviting?

Ask yourself: are you ready to run free? Are you ready to make your own rules, to listen to nothing but the Truth that resides inside of you? Are you ready to feel pure weightlessness?

I want to be ready. I want to be free. But the comfort of the cage is what I know. Will I have the courage to escape?

Your Body Needs You To Be Honest

Originally posted on Your Bella Life

They say that the scale is a dangerous thing. It can be used in an unhealthy manner, but it is like anything in else in this world. The scale can become your friend or your enemy and which one it happens to become depends on how you use it. The dreaded scale provided me with a moment of clarity that caused me to turn my whole life around.

I had spent over half my life not being at home in my body. I was constantly trying to lose weight and always self-conscious about the way that I looked. Like so many women, I have tried countless diets. I would succeed at losing weight and then a few months later I would find myself right back where I had started. Actually, most of the time I was even worse off. Each time this happened, my self-esteem would take a hit because I didn’t understand why I couldn’t keep my weight off. When I graduated college I took some time to focus on my health. I began working with a fitness trainer named Kelly Michaels. Her workouts were just as killer as Jillian Michaels’ workouts on The Biggest Loser and I am convinced they must be related. I mean, they even have the same last name! Kelly advised me to start keeping a food journal and she gave me a workout regimen to follow when I wasn’t with her.

Every few weeks Kelly and I would take my measurements and I was seeing results, albeit very slowly. I wasn’t losing weight but I was losing inches which is typical when one begins strength training due to gaining muscle mass. About 2 months after I began, we went into the measuring room. I stepped on the scale and saw that it still hadn’t moved. I began to feel that oh-so-familiar feeling of extreme disappointment in myself and I went straight into self-hatred/victim mode. This happens differently for everyone but we all have that inner bully inside of us. Mine started relentlessly attacking me about the fact that I couldn’t lose the weight even though it seemed like everyone around me could. My inner bully went straight into victim mode as it usually does: Why do I have to struggle with this? Why doesn’t anything ever work? Why was I born into this body that doesn’t work?

All of the sudden, in the midst of this internal fight, this incessant voice inside of me quit yelling. I felt an overwhelming sense of peace flow through me. After this moment of clarity, I heard a softer voice that gently informed me that my actions were sabotaging my efforts to lose weight. I was doing everything half-ass. I was keeping a food journal but occasionally omitting the food that I was ashamed about eating. I was working out outside of my training sessions but exaggerating how much time I was spending. All in all, I was lying to myself. And guess who that was hurting? Yep, me. After this realization, a surge of motivation pumped through my veins like I have never felt before. I had realized that I truly wanted to regain my health but my actions weren’t in line with that goal. I worked out that day for 2 hours and at the end of the workout, tears streamed down my face as I held myself up in a plank pose for a minute and a half, 3 times the amount of time I had ever done. These tears were tears of strength. I had finally found the source of strength inside of me that was up for the deep emotional, spiritual, and physical work it would take to achieve my goals.

Now what can you do to find this strength as well?

Let’s begin by getting honest with ourselves.

1) Look at your current behaviors. If you want to make a change in your life, begin by taking an inventory of your actions.

2) Ask yourself how your current behaviors serve you. What are they giving you? What is the payoff for these behaviors?

3) Remember to be gentle and patient with the process. If you are anything like me, you may have the tendency to beat yourself up for not doing something perfectly. Kick that thinking to the curb and remind yourself of how amazing it is that you want to work on this.

At first it can be scary to look at ourselves in this manner but taking responsibility for our actions and bringing them into the light will allow for miraculous change. I think it is important to go through this process often. I am currently re-examining my lifestyle and eating habits in order to feel even better and reach a more balanced healthy state. Let’s get honest together!

You Don't Need To Wait

You don't need to wait to feel at home in your body.
You are home in your body right now.

You don't need to wait to feel safe.
You are safe right now.

You don't need to wait to feel loved.
You are loved right now.

You don't need to wait to feel successful.
You are successful right now.

You don't need to wait to feel sexy.
You are sexy right now.

You don't need to wait to feel complete.
You are complete right now.

You don't need to wait to feel free.
You are free right now.

You don't need to wait to shine.
You are shining right now.

Shine on sisters and brothers!

Slow it down, baby. Witness the Magic.

Some things can only be seen when we slow down enough to see them.

When we are running from place to place, when we are going down our to-do list and completing every task that we had planned to get done without stopping to breathe, without being present with what we are doing because we are thinking about the next thing we have to do, we are missing the magic.

Do you want to miss the miracles?

What if I told you that, right now, miracles are occurring all around you. YOU are a miracle. You are warm, you are safe, you are nourished, your heart is beating, your blood is pumping, your eyes are blinking, and you didn't even have to think about that. Cool, huh? Another amazing thing that is occuring is that you are reading this post that YOU created. Yes you. Without your thirst for this information, without your intent to read this, I wouldn't be here writing it. So, thank you.

Anyway, I digress. My inspiration for this post occured a few weeks ago while I was walking past Madison Square Park. Okay, fine, I was practically running because I thought I was going to be late to my class. I was caught up in the NYC craziness. But, out of the corner of my eye I noticed some lights in the middle of the park. I heard my inner guide telling me to stop and I did, since I have found that my inner guide knows best. I looked at the lights and all I saw were lights hanging from a string. I thought, really?! What's so special about this?? And as my breathing slowed down, as I began to relax, I saw that these lightbulbs were set up in a way that was similar to an LED display. And it created a moving image. It was beautiful. It was magnificent. These beautiful sparkling objects hung next to each other and created a movie. The moving image was of people walking, some fast, some slow. Just like what was happening in real time, people passing me left and right. It was absolutely magnificently beautiful. I was having a moment. I was again reminded that there is beauty everywhere, we just need to slow down and witness it.

[if you want to check out this awesome installment, click here]

So, how can you begin to slow down?
1. Breathe. As often as you can remember, take a deep breath.
2. Intend. Whenever you can remember, intend to witness the beauty in your life. You don't need to do anything else. You will soon see that you will witness things in your daily routine that bring you joy. These things are always there, you just have been overlooking them.
3. Practice. Practice slowing down by sitting and sipping on a cup of tea. Turn off the TV, put away your blackberry, sit. Feel your butt on the chair. Feel your hands on the warm mug, feel the warm liquid move down your throat.

As you begin to bring a few moments of slowness into your daily routine, you will begin to notice that your brain will automatically remind you to slow down in other moments.

Good luck, friends! We are doing this together as I wrote this post to remind myself to slow it down once again.

Next blog post: Slowing Down and Eating. Why this is the most powerful thing you can do for your health.